


The art of breathing under water

by Ischa



Series: Midnight Land [2]
Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Angst, Bloodplay, Hand Jobs, M/M, Sexual Content, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-15
Updated: 2011-08-15
Packaged: 2017-10-22 15:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four scenes about how the boys are dealing with Ryan’s vampirism.</p><p><i>“God, Brendon, don’t do that.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“Don’t tempt me.”<br/>“You want me.” Brendon says, he’s certain of it.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The art of breathing under water

**Title:** The art of breathing under water  
 **Pairing:** Ryan/Spencer, Ryan/Brendon  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Summary:** Four scenes about how the boys are dealing with Ryan’s vampirism.  
 **Warning(s):** Vampires, blood play, boys kissing, angst, a handjob, also not a 16 candles AU.  
 **Author’s Notes:** This is technically set before “Midnight land”, but it really is just some background information. And can be read on its own.  
 **Word Count:** 1.969  
 **Beta:** tygermine  
 **Disclaimer:** Don’t know, don’t own, not real.

\---  
~1~  
 _Jon_

Jon Walker is eating something manly with dead animal and mayonnaise when Ryan steps into the tiny kitchen on the bus. Jon smiles at him, takes a bite and waits. He knows that they are about to ask him to join the band. He said yes to playing for them he will say yes to this as well. Ryan sits down and waits for Spencer and Brendon to do the same.  
“I…” Jon begins because there is no need to draw this out. He knows what they came here for.

“Jon,” Spencer says and he sounds serious.

“Yeah?” Maybe, he thinks, he was wrong and they don’t want him in the band at all.

“Jon.” Brendon’s voice is soft and he looks earnest too. They three boys in front of him are giving off a sombre vibe that causes his heart to drop and his pulse to race. They are freaking him out.

“You’re freaking me out now,” Jon answers, because they really do, especially Brendon who is too quiet. Noisy Brendon is way better.

“We want you in the band.” Spencer says. And Jon relaxes, takes another bite of his sandwich, chews it and smiles at them.

“Of course I…” he begins but is interrupted by Ryan.

“Don’t says ‘yes’ if you don’t know what you’re getting into,” he says looking at Jon. Jon feels pinned. Like a butterfly. He’s just not too sure why Ryan is able to do this to him.

“I know what I’m getting into.” Jon answers.

“You don’t. And now listen carefully…” Ryan says, he looks at Spencer. Jon knows by now that he just can’t finish the sentence and needs Spencer to do it for him.

“Ryan is a vampire.” Spencer says and Jon looks from him to Brendon and then Ryan. Because this has to be a joke.

“Riiiiiight.” He says.

“Jon,” Brendon’s voice is soft and his eyes big and earnest, pleading.

“Really guys…” he says and trails off, because he has no idea what to say.

“We can show you.” Brendon replies.

“No.” Ryan says. He shakes his head like a child and he looks scared. Jon wants to hug him.

“It’s enough guys, really.” Jon says, setting his plate on the table and giving in to the need to hug Ryan. Ryan leans in.

“You’re so warm,” he sighs.

“He needs to understand.” Spencer pushes and Ryan closes his eyes, wanting to lose himself in Jon’s hug. Brent didn’t hug like this. Jon is obviously the best idea they’ve had. Ever.

“Okay,” he says defeated leaning forward and out of the embrace.

“Let me.” Brendon says, pulling his shirt over his head, not waiting for Spencer’s answer. Jon just looks, it’s not new to see Brendon without clothes. He likes to sleep naked and he forgets sometimes to put shorts on when he walks out into the kitchen in the mornings. He even saw Brendon with Ryan. Ryan nuzzling Brendon’s neck when he thought no one was watching. He didn’t stay to see how things between them developed.

“Look, I know you guys are…whatever.” Jon says.

“You know nothing.” Ryan answers sharply and Spencer gives him a look. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that.” Brendon says, kneeing down on Ryan’s side, bending his head, exposing his neck.

“I’ll try.” Ryan answers and then he’s stroking Brendon’s neck with one long finger, Brendon shivers, Jon wants to look away, but he can’t and he is getting hard. He gasps and steps away from Ryan.

“It’s okay,” Spencer whispers, “Ryan does it.”

“Not on purpose,” Brendon’s voice is muffled and then Jon hears a moan and looks from Spencer’s face to Ryan and Brendon to see Ryan sucking on Brendon’s neck. As Ryan looks up his mouth is red and Brendon’s skin is bruised where Ryan’s teeth broke the surface.

“He’s feeding on us.” Spencer says. Obviously, Jon thinks. Obviously, he can see it. He saw it. Ryan feeding on Brendon’s blood. And is this part of being in the band? Because he doesn’t know if he can do it. He stares at Ryan. And sees for the first time what this does to him. Ryan is blushing and there is so much self-hatred in his eyes, Jon wants to hug him again. So he does. He wraps his arms around Ryan’s chest, hears Ryan exhale, feels Ryan’s face on his stomach, as he turns around.

“It’s okay,” Jon says.

“Is it?” Ryan asks, his lips leaving bloody smears on Jon’s shirt.

“Yes.” Jon answers. And he knows he says ‘yes’ to the band, to Ryan, to them. To let Ryan feed on him when he needs it. “Yes,” he says again, Brendon wraps himself around Jon and when he looks up he sees Spencer smile.

  
~2~  
 _Ryan_

The first time with Brendon is about feeding and about Spencer not being able to let him. The second time is about feeding too and the fifth and the seventh. The eight isn’t. He freaks out. It’s not his fault. Spencer says it over and over and over again, when he’s lying in the dark, shaking against Spencer’s warm body.  
“I’m so sorry.” It’s the first time he says it. But he doesn’t think he will ever be able to stop saying it. Ever.

  
It starts like always. He knows that he can feed on his band. But something is different that evening and he knows it as soon as he steps into the room. The smell of blood is everywhere. Old blood, but still tempting, still delicious. It comes from Brendon.

“I cut my finger this morning.” Brendon says, stating the obvious like ever, when Ryan’s gaze settles on the plaster around his finger.

“Spencer,” Ryan says, he sounds desperate. “Spencer, I need to get out of here.” He is desperate, desperate for Brendon, for dorky, unattractive, annoying Brendon. He can’t take it. Spencer grabs his wrist and pulls him out into a spare room. Somewhere, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.  
“Spencer…” Ryan says again. And then he is on Spencer, his neck, his lips, his hand in Spencer’s pants and Spencer is doing the same. Mirroring Ryan’s movements.

“Ryan…what are you doing?” he whispers. Ryan shakes his head.

“I don’t know.” He says, because he doesn’t. He really doesn’t. He just knows that he needs. Wants.  
And that Spencer is doing exactly what Ryan needs right now, he feels the thrill of it as Spencer strokes his dick and he tastes Spencer’s arousal and fear in his blood on his tongue. It’s glorious. He’s high.  
Spencer comes with Ryan’s name on his lips. And Ryan thinks _mine_. Fiercely and sure.

  
~3~  
 _Brendon_

He doesn’t exactly know when it starts to be about something else. Not just feeding.  
In the beginning it was just that. Ryan needed him, needed them, and he couldn’t say no. Not to Ryan. Because he was Ryan’s singer, his voice and Ryan was his. Ryan’s words were his. So naturally Ryan was his too. Besides Ryan gave him something, something he hadn’t had before, not like this. He gave him the band, he gave him a purpose and he shared Spencer with Brendon.  
He will not lie and tell anyone he wasn’t scared. He was, he still is sometimes. But it wasn’t Ryan’s fault. It wasn’t. He knows his parents would disagree. That Ryan was a bad person and that bad things happened to bad people and that maybe he is dammed for his father’s sins. Brendon doesn’t believe, can’t believe in a God who would do that. So he decides to believe in Ryan instead of God. He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t regret.  
And then one day it’s not about feeding. And Ryan didn’t feed on him or Brent for weeks, just on Spencer or strangers and Brendon can’t understand it. He feels hurt. _Betrayed._

“God! Brendon, go away.” Ryan says, he sounds pissed and desperate.

“But why?” Brendon wants to know, he’s cornered Ryan before practice outside.

“I can’t…I just feed on Spencer from now on.”

“But why?”

“Because I’m not safe.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Brendon, please.” Ryan says and Brendon lets him go, but he doesn’t give up.  
He watches, studies the way they are acting around each other. And then a few weeks later realisation hits. And something else hits hard too. Jealousy. He doesn’t know where it comes from but it eats him inside. He is snappish and provokes Ryan every fucking second he breathes.

“Brendon.” Spencer says.

“No.”

“What?”

“I’m not talking to you. I’m fucking not talking to you!” Brendon screams and he doesn’t care if Brent hears him or Ryan. For fuck’s sake! It’s Ryan’s fault anyway.

“Brendon, you’re acting like an ass.”  
Brendon is stubbornly sulky.

  
“Fuck Brendon! Can you put some feeling into it?” Ryan asks.

“I am. Can’t you hear it?” Brendon snaps back.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Brendon,” Ryan stresses. His patience is thin; he didn’t feed in a few days. He needs to fucking feed, Brendon knows that.

“Fuck you!” Brendon says and storms out of the room. He’s barely outside when Ryan grabs his wrist, hard and vicious and Brendon cries out, but he is cheering inside. Because finally. He spins around to face Ryan. “You need to feed.”

“Yeah…”

“Come on. I’m offering.”

“No,” Ryan says.

“Why not? You need it, I want it.”

“You don’t…you don’t want it. Not what I want.” Ryan says. He sounds frustrated.

“What do you want, Ryan?” Brendon asks his voice low and husky.

“God, Brendon, don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“You want me.” Brendon says, he’s certain of it. Ryan shakes his head. “You do. You can have me. Ryan. You can.” Brendon whispers.

Ryan’s eyes snap from the floor he was staring at to Brendon’s eyes. Brendon doesn’t know what Ryan is seeing and he doesn’t care, because Ryan is kissing him, hard and desperate and when he comes up for air, he says, “Sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, you can have what you need, you can have what you want, what you desire.” Brendon says moaning, as Ryan opens his veins.

  
~4~  
 _Spencer_

For the first time in his life, Spencer doesn’t know how to make things better. How to fix Ryan. He isn’t angry at Ryan, but he wishes he would stop apologizing again and again and again. He knows he should feel violated, because he didn’t want that, he didn’t want Ryan’s hand on his dick, he didn’t want any of it, not like this, but it’s Ryan and he wanted Ryan. He will always want _Ryan_.  
“I’m so sorry.” Ryan whispers again. His voice is hoarse from crying. His eyes are closed and he is curled up. Shaking.

“It’s okay.”

“It isn’t. Spencer. It isn’t.”

“Not like this.” Spencer says and Ryan looks at him. His eyes are red.

“Not like this…” Ryan echoes.

“Ryan.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not.” Spencer says firm sitting down next to Ryan. Letting Ryan soak in his body heat. “Don’t hate yourself.”

“Spencer…” Ryan sighs.

“I know.”

“You don’t.”

“I do.” Spencer says, sure of himself. He can fix this. He can fix Ryan. “It will be okay.”

“Do you believe that?” Ryan asks stroking Spencer’s ankle.

“Yes. I do.”

“Okay,” Ryan says, Spencer can hear the small smile in his voice. Yes, he thinks, I can fix this. I can make it happen.

“Okay,” Spencer answers, bending down to kiss Ryan’s hair. Ryan sighs, burrowing deeper into Spencer’s body. Spencer slides down, curls around Ryan and closes his eyes. “I trust you.” He whispers.

“Thank you,” Ryan mumbles tiredly.

“Shut up and sleep.” Spencer says and Ryan laughs softly against Spencer’s skin. And Spencer knows, just knows that everything will turn out okay.

  
~end~


End file.
